In the past 11 months, by FAR the most frequent question I have gotten from friends, family, and my faithful fellow Instagram mamas is regarding sleep. Sleep is a precious thing to many of us, and once you welcome a new baby (or babies!) it is (temporally) a thing of the past, or at the very least, heavily compromised. ;) Moreover, if you are reading this, you are likely a tired mom that is looking for a way to get back into a better sleep routine for yourself, while simultaneously starting a independent sleep routine for your baby(ies). So, tired mom, read on.
This post is mostly going to deal with nighttime sleep, as naps are an entirely different beast that, honestly, we have yet to completely tackle…stay tuned for more.
Our twins, Duncan and Delaney, have always been what I would consider pretty good sleepers. By about 3 months old, they were * mostly * sleeping through the night without a wakeup or middle-of-the-night feed. It was also around this same that we moved them from twin bassinets in our room to separate side-by-side cribs in their own room. The transition to their own room went great! AJ and I were thrilled to be back to a (mostly) normal nighttime sleep routine, and have our bedroom back to ourselves! Honestly, I felt like I was killing it as a first time mom of twins and had survived the sleepless nights.
BUT, you didn’t think it was all going to be butterflies and rainbows, did you? Nope. From 3 months to * gasp * 11 months, we had two * mostly * sleeping through the night twins. Let me explain. In the early months, I was very good about keeping the twins on a “Eat, Play, Sleep” schedule where I fed them when they woke UP from naps (+ on demand), but I tried not to feed them right before naps. This type of schedule helps your baby from using the boob as a “crutch” to fall asleep. I had a great routine going. But, fast forward a few months, and the twins nap schedule changed, and so did my “Eat, Play, Sleep” schedule. My new habit ended up being to feed them right before naps, and in turn, the twins ended up becoming very dependent on me to always be home to put them down for naps and bedtime. Moreover, breastfeeding had become a Negative Sleep Association for them (more on sleep associations here!). Not to mention, they started waking up sporadically (roughly one nighttime wake up a few times a week). Letting them breastfeed was usually the fastest way to get them back down (+ me back to bed), so that’s normally what I resorted to.
Long story short, finally, at 11 months, we decide enough was enough and that it was time to break the habit I had set and sleep train the twins to fall sleep independently. I do NOT recommend waiting this late in the game to sleep train. Talk to your pediatrician or an infant sleep coach, but usually a more ideal time to sleep train is around 6-7 months. Speaking of sleep training, I feel as though the phase “sleep train” gets a bad rep. I myself thought sleep training was cruel until I actually did my research and found out how many vastly different sleep training methods there are. I encourage you to do your research and pick the method that would best for your family. For us, we chose the Ferber Method.
Note: the twins don't share a crib. This picture was just for fun. :)
Before You Start the Ferber Method:
The first step to sleep training has nothing to do with your baby, but instead with you and your spouse mutually deciding on what you think will work best for your family as a whole. If you are considering using the Ferber Method, I encourage you to please take the time to research the logistics involved in properly implementing this method. This way, you will understand how the method is structured, and set yourself up to be consistent in how you apply it. Some parents may want to intervene too soon, whereas some parents may want to wait it out too long. In which case, the first scenario will likely not allow for your baby to become an independent sleeper (at least not in a timely manner!), and the second scenario is just personally not what AJ and I felt comfortable with.
Bedtime:
Basically, you start with your bedtime routine. For us, this means the * first thing * I do is breastfeed the babies (one at a time) in my rocking chair. Meanwhile, AJ is in our bedroom with the other baby reading bedtime stories. Once they have both eaten, AJ and I take them into our dimly lit room with lullaby music playing. We then change diapers, lotion the twins with a calming lavender-scented lotion, and put on their pajamas and sleep sacks. Then, we each grab a baby and walk into the dark nursery with the sound machine on. We hold and cuddle the babies for a few minutes (while making sure to never let them get too sleepy/fall asleep in our arms) before kissing them goodnight, laying them down in their cribs, and leaving the room. We DO let them have pacifiers in their cribs in case they want to grab them, but we never put them into their mouths for them.
Check-Ins:
At this point, they will start to cry! The basic idea is that you don’t just let the baby “cry it out” (that term applies to a different method, NOT Ferber). Instead, you check in with the baby every few minutes, making sure that they are OK, offering comfort and consolation, but being sure to not do the sleep association you’re trying to break. In our case, I would not breastfeed them for comfort after their last feed before our bedtime routine, because this was the association they had become dependent on. We needed them to learn that they could fall asleep without using breastfeeding as a crutch.
So, once the babies started to cry, we would keep an eye on the time. We decided that AJ would do the check-ins for the first night or two, so that the babies wouldn't smell me and want to breastfeed, (and so I wouldn’t cave in and let them!). The first night, we started by waiting three minutes. When the time came, AJ went in, and soothed the twins either with or without picking them up. After settling them for a few minutes, he then put them back down and left the room again. If the baby was still crying, we started the timer again, this time for five minutes. If the baby is still crying after the five-minute check-in, you then wait ten minutes before checking in. Your goal is to have the baby fall asleep on their own when you are out of the room. They eventually form a new sleep association: being in a crib in a dark, quiet room, without parents nearby. Then, the baby should learn to fall asleep this way consistently.
Twin Issues:
The obvious question with twins who sleep in the same room is: won’t one baby’s crying wake the other baby? The short answer for us was usually…”no”! Shockingly, if one of the twins was asleep and the other was crying and still struggling to fall asleep, it did NOT wake the sleeping twin (see night #2 as an example). Moreover, I think sleep training them in the same room wound up being beneficial because they’re now more accustomed to each other’s noises and can sleep through the commotion if their sibling wakes up. That being said, I would be naive if I thought this would be the identical situation for every other twin family. So, if your twins ARE waking each other up after several attempts to sleep train them in the same room, consider moving your twins to separate rooms for the short-term while you sleep train.
Here’s how it went for us:
Night 1: Check in at 3, 5, and then 10 minutes for every subsequent check in. If they wake in the middle of the night, start over at 3 minutes.
My biggest advice for the first night is be consistent and follow the timer. Try not to go in before the timer has gone off.
We picked a very easy first night to start sleep training. The twins decided to skip their second nap this day, so they were very tired and ready for bed!
The twins each had one check-in after the 3 minute timer, and then they both fell asleep independently.
Night 2: Check in at 5, 10, and then 12 minutes for every subsequent check in. If they wake in the middle of the night, start over at 5 minutes.
This day, the twins took both of their usual naps.
Duncan needed one check-in, but only because Delaney was crying pretty hard and keeping him up.
Night two was rough for Delaney. Delaney can pull to stand (even in her sleep sack!), and that made sleep training harder because she would stand up and cry in her crib. This is another reason I would suggest sleep training closer to 6-7 months (but ask your baby’s dr!) when they usually aren’t able to sit up/stand in their crib. She needed 4 check-ins this night.
Night 3: Check in at 5, 10, and then 15 minutes for every subsequent check in. If they wake in the middle of the night, start over at 5 minutes.
The twins each had one check in after the 5 minute timer, and then they both fell asleep independently.
In an unexpected way, sleep training was such a relief already. I was so much less tense when I went into the room to check on the babies — because I knew I didn’t have to try to boob them to sleep. Plus, now AJ could help with soothing the babies since I wasn’t breastfeeding as a sleep crutch! I honestly didn’t realize how stressful it was until that burden was lifted off my shoulders. It was so freeing to know I could rely on AJ to help too and not feel like it was all my responsibly to make sure they were “good sleepers.” All we had to do was check in! The crying on night two from Delaney was tough, but the check ins help, and even just by the next night it was MUCH better!
Night 4: Check in at 10, 12, and then 15 minutes for every subsequent check in. If they wake in the middle of the night, start over at 10 minutes.
Both fell asleep within 3-5 minutes and required zero check ins. Hooray!
Night 5: Check in at 12, 15, and then 17 minutes for every subsequent check in. If they wake in the middle of the night, start over at 12 minutes.
Duncan fell asleep within 3-5 minutes and had zero check ins.
Delaney technically had one check in, but she had a poopy diaper. We changed her and she fell sleep independently right away.
Night 6: Check in at 15, 17, and then 20 minutes for every subsequent check in. If they wake in the middle of the night, start over at 15 minutes.
Both fell asleep within 3-5 minutes and required zero check ins.
Night 7: Check in at 17, 20, and then 25 minutes for every subsequent check in. If they wake in the middle of the night, start over at 17 minutes.
Both had zero check ins with absolutely zero crying.
We had a very positive experience using the Ferber method to sleep train the twins (even at 11 months old!). By only the third night implementing Ferber, the twins were already doing so well learning how to fall asleep independently. And, with every subsequent night, it got easier and easier for them to self sooth and fall asleep peacefully. We are so glad we chose to try the Ferber method. All FOUR of us are getting MORE and better QUAILTY sleep.
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